Embarrassed...

Have you ever been in a very uncomfortable situation where you did not know what to say? A situation where you were caught off guard, somewhere between embarrassed and I am going to be really embarrassed when this instance is all said and done?

We have all been there. We have all gotten ourselves into a situation of social suicide. The key: How do you get out? Do you spare someone’s feelings? Are you kind? Do you stand up and take a mea culpa?

Believe me, it matters.

I once picked up a call from a telemarketer who asked me if Mr. Bumhole was home. I told him that he was not home, at least not at the moment (sometimes my wife thinks Mr. Bumhole is always home), and that we would be ending this discussion right now.

“Why?” he preceded to ask. “Ah, because you called me bumhole, that’s why.” Clearly this person was never trained in the fine art of salesmanship and at this moment he had indeed committed social suicide. No matter what he said from this point forward, I was not going to buy his product.

A good salesman would have seen my name on the paper and even if my name was spelled, pronounced and commonly called bumhole, he would have asked if Mr. Boom-Hall-ie was home.

It’s key to accentuate the positive. Some people call this telling people what they want to hear, I simply call it upping your odds of doing business.

Without exception, once you have offended someone, it is virtually impossible to bring them back around. My wife, for example, was offended at a Mexican resort we were visiting. She spent the next five day buying things down the road.

No matter what line of work you are in, you have to be careful not to offend. Usually I am ok, but today I ran across a problem. Like most problems, they always seem to start with someone talking before they have all the facts.

As I was on the phone with a certain individual, I said to him as I was scrolling up the screen to get his email, “To confirm, your email is”…..and then I was just silent. I did not know what to do.

I was caught mid-sentence. As my brain tried to figure out what to say next, I was caught. The email, in case you are all wondering was….assmall@......com. I intentionally left out the service provider so none of you assmalls will email this guy and make my life worse.

In my brain, I kept thinking, “Does this person run a mall where hineys are on sale? Can you just walk in and say, I would like the Jennifer Lopez? Or that one seems firm, I will take that one.”

In my personal case of back-end prosperity, my family thinks I could go bigger. In fact, an Ass Mall just may be the perfect location for an after holiday spending spree.

After 25 seconds or so, the guy let me off the hook, without explaining anything and said, “Oh, you must have my wife’s email address,” which only left me further in the dark. However, in the kindness of his heart, he gave me a new email address where I could reach him and put this entire subject to bed.

And thank goodness for his kindness, because this entire story has really bummed me out.