A Year to Remember...

It’s 2009 and we all know what is coming next. Each and everyone of us will make New Year’s resolutions. Whether we make them in secret or write them down and hang them on our wall, they are there, they exist.

Therefore, because we (over 10,000 people in December) have become so close over the last four months, I will list my resolutions below so you can check my progress and badger me until these goals are accomplished. Then, like all good friends, you can haunt me when I fail.

Therefore, without further hesitation, enjoy my 2009 Resolutions:

1). I resolve to visit OJ Simpson in the Nevada Federal Penitentiary, which is about 25 minutes from my home, and take over his quest to find the real killers in the 1994 slaying of his wife and her lover. Since he is incarcerated at this point, I will personally bring these folks to justice.

2). I resolve to start a national campaign to have Gummy Bears reclassified as a fruit by the Federal Government and eat at least five servings everyday, without the guilt currently associated with this blissful exercise.

3). I resolve to become a better wrapper. At this point, I can’t even wrap a birthday present. I also resolve to become a better rapper and perform in Harlem, but promise to not use any derogatory references to women, my mother or wife.

4). For my wife, I resolve to clean the four toilets in our house everyday, or at last pay someone to do it for me.

5). I resolve to rent an ice cream truck for one of my kids’ birthday parties and let the entire neighborhood pick out and eat as much ice cream as they can, including the expensive bars and rocket pops.

6). I resolve to save at least one bulldog’s life by buying him a sweater, clipping his toes, giving him a bath and making him a king in his new home.

7). I resolve to drink at least one Red Bull a day, whether I need it or not. In addition, I resolve to share at least one Red Bull with Obama, during a face-to-face meeting about the economy.

8). I resolve to get the perfect tan by spending at least one month on the beach in CA or Mexico or a combination of both. At least one month, maybe two.

9). I resolve to make glitter cool for guys to wear. New campaign idea, “Glitter, it is not just for women anymore. Even guys deserve to feel pretty.”

10). I resolve to buy my kids a pony, which really means, make them happy by making their lives better…we all know that a pony is a just a ploy for true happiness, so I will either get them the pony or the happiness, their choice.

PLEASE, feel free to share your resolutions below, we're family now. All 10,000 of us.