It is a romantic world...

I love romance. I love romantic things. In actuality, romance is simply the act of making someone feel appreciated. But if you think about it, romance should lose its license to continue as a word. People often say, “I’m not romantic. It’s just not my thing.” What they are truly saying is, “You know, I just really don’t care about anyone enough to think about them more than I think about myself.”

However, being that upfront and shallow is often hard for people to take, so we as a people created a word for those of us who care about others more than ourselves. For those, like me, who really care, we bare the title of hopeless romantics, which basically means, we care about everyone more than we care about ourselves, so, quick, take advantage of us while you can.

Even with our best intentions in tow, sometimes romance goes sideways, as was displayed by the following occurrence in Neskowin, Ore. I read this article in the USA Today this morning and found it hard to…ah, how do I put this, oh yes, believe.

But maybe that’s just me. I'm cynical. But come on, does this not all seem a little fishy (pun intended), a little too unbelievable. I’ll let you be the judge. You'll see excerpts from the story in bold and my pondering questions (read: cynicism) in italics.

From the story, it seems that a 45 year old man had set out to propose to his “girlfriend” on the beach. Many would say that this is the height of romance, a true romantic gesture. I agree. In fact I proposed to Holly at the beach, but somehow we were able to make it out alive. In Neskowin, they are not so lucky.

NESKOWIN, Ore. (AP) — A romantic marriage proposal on the Oregon coast turned deadly for the bride-to-be when a wave swept her out to sea.

Scott Napper planned to pop the question. That question was simple, do you know how to swim, because if you do, this whole "thing" is going to be a lot more difficult.

He was going to propose to Leafil Alforque, 22, at a spot near Neskowin Beach that got its name from couples ready to marry. When you read propose, insert he was going to drowned her. And also read that it is never odd or strange that a 45 year old man would finally find love over the Internet, with a 22 year old girl from the Philippines. Those types of relationships almost always end well and are never consummated with a credit card and a secure website.

He planned to propose and give her the ring he carried in his pocket. However, she was only 4-foot-11 and 93 pounds, she had been caught by the receding waters and was pulled out to sea and never heard from again. When they say pulled out to sea, read pushed out to sea. It is almost the exact same thing, but one is a felony.

The 45-year-old Silverton man tore off his jacket to get rid of any extra weight, and when he looked up again she was gone. Oh sure. Yeah, I am sure that half-pound jacket was going to cause you all kinds of trouble. Make sure you get your car keys out of your pocket as well. And for Heaven’s sake, DON’T try to swim with your wallet in you back pocket. You could drown. Oh, wait…

"That's the last I saw of her," he said Wednesday, breaking into tears. Good, good. Cry. Yeah, that makes it all the more believable.

Emergency personnel called by someone on the beach arrived within minutes. Yes, somehow these people were able to stay out of the water and simultaneously operate their phones.

His own phone no longer worked after being exposed to the water. Gasp….What a shocker. I’m sure he dropped his phone in the toilet one or two times before heading to the beach to ensure that it would not have reception after the “event.” I mean, how embarrassing would it be to actually have the power to make a call….that could have messed up the entire “project.”

"I yelled for her," he said. He couldn't do more than yell? Note to anyone reading this, if I am dying, please don’t just yell at me. I mean, I’m dying here, don’t stress me out. I have a lot on my plate at the moment. If you can’t fish me out of the ocean, at least let me watch my life flash before my eyes in peace. I mean, can’t a guy get a moment of silence around here.

Napper and Alforque had been dating since they met on the Internet in 2005. This whole I am going to kill you after I meet you on the Internet thing is so played out. Can’t people find new ways to kill their victims? This is so predictable.

Alforque arrived in Oregon on a visa from the Philippines just three days before the fateful trip to the coast. Three days? You couldn't hack more than three days. I mean, at least take her out and show her the sites before you push her into the ocean. What, she does not deserve to go to Disneyland? She shouldn't enjoy the extreme glee that comes from shopping at an outlet mall while drinking an Orange Julius? At least take her around before you push her under.

Police don't suspect foul play. Police don’t suspect foul play? On the contrary, they are 100 percent sure he pushed her into the ocean and will arrest him soon.

Other things I really don’t believe:
Someday Santa will show up and write me a big, fat check to cover my Christmas expenses for the last 11 years.

Sarah Palin pleaded with the GOP to conserve funds and not foolishly spend the money on her; her family and her hair.

The economy is terrific.

One thing I do believe:
It is losers like this that give us romantics a bad name...