Goals...

This is a photo of one of our business associates from Lehman Brothers. She was a tremendous resource for our company when I was working for Del American, building high-rise residential condominiums near the Strip.

When you look back at this photo, it is hard to believe that this company is now out of business. Its roots date back more than 144 years, when the company's founder provided financing for cotton farmers in the south.

And while no one could have predicted the remarkable roller coaster ride in the global financial markets, each of us should have been able to predict how nice my hair looks in this photo.

Nearly every scholar, and even some little league baseball coaches, preach the virtues of making goals, writing them down and achieving them. Therefore, I have taken this opportunity to state, in a public forum, that my new top priority is to grow my hair back to this length. And then make it blonde.

And while many of you may be thinking to yourself that I should focus my goals and efforts on the economy, or my kids or fixing that stupid tile in my living room that has been chipped for what seems like forever, all of these things must come second to my new goal of growing out my hair.

The truth is, I believe that when you look good, you feel good. And really, all of those problems will basically go away if I can get my hair looking like this again. Like they all say, blondes do have more fun, and I am sure that this new style will throw me right into that category.

And for those of you who are wondering why on earth I'm wearing Elvis sunglasses at night, you need look no further than the bathroom attendant at the Palms Restaurant in Caesars Palace. Which leads me to wonder, why are there bathroom attendants in the first place and why am I supposed to tip them?

If, for example, they gave me advice on going to the bathroom, I would be more than happy to give them a buck or two, but as it is, bathroom attendants do nothing more than force me to skip the process of washing my hands after using the establishment. These bathroom mafia types manipulate you into feeling guilty if you use any of their stuff, including water, so in an effort to save a buck or two, I will wash my hands outside.

However, on this night it was my birthday and my boss purchased these sunglasses from the bathroom attendant, who was appropriately, for Vegas, dressed as Elvis. This was my finest moment ever in a bathroom and a goal I had long desired to accomplish. As I walked out of the stall, not only did my boss drop money into the tip jar for me, which allowed me to use any cologne I wanted to sample, he also bought me a pair of these glasses to wear for the rest of the night.

Which proves my entire point. Anything is possible, if you will simply start making goals.

PS: Jimmy, get over here and fix that chip in my tile.

PSS: I am not really this shallow. OK, maybe I am, because I made up this entire story so that I could post this photo online. So don't worry, I am even more shallow than you may have thought.