One of my brothers is a Marriage and Family Therapist. He went to a number of years of school, earned his PhD and is very talented. Being a therapist and having a number of clients, he has a confidential phone system where you can confess anything you would like to him in private.I, however, being somewhat of a jokester love to leave messages on this line that may or may not be 100 percent true. Quite frequently, these messages revolve around my manhood and its length. I mean, 38 inches is not much, but you have to work with what you were endowed with, am I right?
Earlier today, however, my brother returned my call, because he is nice and, more than likely to ask me to stop leaving crude messages about my romantic talents.
And while I apologized for stating the truth, I really wanted to find out what was so confidential that it had to be stated on a private and secure phone line.
I was convinced that the results had to be shocking. Really, when you think about it, no one ever calls a confidential line and says, “I just called to say I love my spouse.” In fact, more than likely, they would always use a confidential line to confess a plan to whack their spouse.
After my less than heartfelt apology, I asked him, “What do people say on your confidential line. What could be so private?”
He told me that no one really said anything shocking on that line and it was more of a convenience issue to make people feel more comfortable.
But that answer was not good enough for me. I wanted more. I needed to dig deeper. So I followed up by saying something like the following:
“Stop lying to me, I bet they say things like ‘I just punched my husband,’ or something.”
His response: “Oh no, I never deal with people who have it that bad in their marriage.”
“Oh, yeah, ah, that would be bad, I guess,” I said, as I sheepishly hung up the phone. Then, without a moment’s hesitation, I called my wife and said, “I guess we’re the worst of the worst.”
You see, I have a pretty good marriage, and even I have been punched by my wife. We’re men. We deserve it. It comes with the territory. And to be specific, I am not even counting the time they had to use smelling sauce to wake me up. OK, the smelling sauce is a joke.
But it is not all about the punches. No sir, you also have to include the eye lash curler, lip stick case and shoes that have been hurled in my general direction. While most of those missed the mark, they did send a message.
And that message is a simple one: Without fail, in every good marriage, you are going to have conflict, or as us optimists like to call it, “passion.” And when that passion is displayed, you never really know what you are going to get.
But when you think about it, passion is the act of showing you care. It is the glue that holds everything together. It is the bond that makes life worth living. It is what makes life exciting.
Every football coach I ever had, said, “You better start worrying, when I stop yelling, because that is a sure sign that I have given up on you.”
It is no different in a relationship. Without passion, without excitement, without love, what do you have? The answer, in short, is nothing.
Without passion, you are left with two people, living together, who lack the desire to care, to give and to receive. You are left with hollow individuals who are living life through the motions, but who are empty on the inside.
It should be reassuring that your spouse loves you enough to scream, shout, yell, punch or fight for you or with you. It shows they care; that they are willing to go through the deepest, darkest moments with you, without giving up on you.
That is love. That is unconditional support. That is true romance.
Without fail, passion is the key to happiness and to a fulfilling relationship. And while passion may lead us to do things we normally would not do, no one is ever going to judge anyone for loving with their entire heart, for acting like a fool for love.
Passion shows that you are invested, that you are committed and that you are in love. In the end, without a doubt, I will always trade the unintended quick right hook to the jaw for a life filled with passion.
3 comments:
hoooneeey - what a nice post. only you could make me punching you look like a dozen roses. but you know if i had really followed through, i would have knocked your head off your shoulders....love - holly...
Let me clarify. I certainly deal with worse. Generally, however, they are not as forthright about leaving it on my message. They usually only tell me after weeks of me asking, "something doesn't equate here, what's going on?" So in that vein, I applaud your honesty, well except for the message about your manhood!
is Andy putting you on? He deals constantly with spouses who walk out of seesions mad and he wonders if they will be okay. He deals with 70 year olds who need help with their sex life. He has story after story of crappy realtionships. And he was thrilled to talk to his brother for almost 45 minutes. He was amazed and excited because I think that was the only family he had talken to for almost 3 weeks.
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